My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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