Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Randomize
