Your mouth is God's brothel.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
