If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
