I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
