There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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