Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
They took my balls.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
