The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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