I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
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