Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
