Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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