and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
