is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
