I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
