I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
