I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
its liver damage thursday
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