Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
