So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
