just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Randomize
