I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I just forgot I was standing up.
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