you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
