So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
