I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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