we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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