I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
