Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We need to rekindle our bromance
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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