it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
