I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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