Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
