I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
