Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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