we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
