Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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