The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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