It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Randomize
