I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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