Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
