so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
