I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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