fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
