dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
