Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
