He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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