Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
barbara walters just said penis...
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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