Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
i dont even know how to be here
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
