the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
