i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
