Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
