Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
