I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
