last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
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he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
