Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
