she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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