I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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