I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
