my vag is so smooth its legendary
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
