that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
