My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
