so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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