please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
