you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
