is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I faked an abortion last night.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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